It’s not easy being a writer. I’m just going to put that out there. I’m not looking for sympathy or anything of the sort. How could I ask for commiseration for something I clearly choose to do even if it does not currently come with any monetary reward? I actually just felt the need to say it “out loud” because this week has been a particularly trying week writing and topic-wise. I’m stuck with a bunch of ideas but zero ability to sort them out and write a coherent post with even one of those ideas.
It’s important to me to be able to post entries that are interesting to read, worthy of sharing, and maybe even start a conversation. For as long as I can remember I have used the written word to communicate my feelings and ideas. I am sure I’ve said that at least once before. It’s where I am able to spill out my thoughts and emotions, especially when the spoken word has inevitably gotten jumbled up somehow. That inner-dialogue that I hinted in last week’s post needs to go somewhere so it often ends up written down. Very often as soon as the words are written they are stored away in a notebook or on my computer hard drive where they stay, unread by any other human.
I belong to a writing group. It’s fairly informal and low-pressure as far as writing groups go. Every week we participate in a social time after spending two hours writing in the same coffee shop but separately. Writing it proximity to other writers has a very special effect. Call it camaraderie or peer pressure, it works. This is where I try to write the rough draft of this blog every week and hope to, at some point, start writing a proper story. Some days the words come freely. The idea is focused and all is right in my writing world. Other days, like yesterday, not so much. The words just fail me. That’s when I’m most grateful for my fellow writers in the group because they all understand. They’ve been through it; they get the struggle it takes to get what is up in your head onto the page and do it in a way that a reader will understand it and feel something (even if it’s boredom). They have all had moments when they wonder where their story is going and how they are going to get there.
This weekend I was lucky enough to go see the ballet Manon by the Royal Ballet at the Royal Opera House. That is a sentence I never thought I’d ever get to say. Seeing the Royal Ballet perform live at the Royal Opera House fulfils a dream that started when I was about 16 and wrote a research paper on the Royal Ballet for an English class. The Royal Opera House is stunning and the performance was remarkable. I wrote to a friend afterwards about how amazing it is when choreography and music is able to convey emotions sometimes better than words… and then quickly had to acknowledge that, yes, that came from the girl who loves words.
I wonder if that’s part of my long-time fascination with dance and my growing appreciation for classical music. While I can easily wrap my head around a great lyric or a beautifully written novel, play, poem, or article I’m just in awe of the ability of a composer, choreography, or artist to bring forth emotions in their audience without using words. I felt that emotion quite strongly while watching Manon, most likely because it is so beautifully choreographed by Kenneth MacMillan and then interpreted by the dancers. I didn’t need words to feel the love, disappointment, rage, or despair woven into the ballet and, better yet, I didn’t need to be told, in words, how the characters were feeling.
Choreographing and composing seems infinitely more difficult than what I do. MacMillan and Jules Massenet (the composer of the score for Manon) had to take written words and translate it into dance and music where the audience didn’t need to hear any of the words to understand the story. If they can do that, it really shouldn’t be too difficult for me to do what I do, right? And yet, I’ll still go back to the first sentence…it’s not easy being a writer. We still have those pesky words to deal with day in and day out and sometimes they just don’t come to us as easily as we’d like. But, I guess there’s always next week to do better.
Comments? Suggestions? Ideas? I’m always interested in hearing what you, as the reader, are thinking.
On My Mind 